America’s Mindset Coach. Intentional living expert.

Forgiveness is SO Freeing! 3 Easy Steps to Forgiving

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The benefits of forgiveness will affect you emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually.  There are so many articles written and research on the health benefits of forgiveness because it is such a fascinating topic.  Some of the benefits are decreased anger and illnesses, increased hope, spiritual connection, and overall well-being, including living a longer, happier life!  I believe that first comes love, then comes forgiveness.

We’ve all been hurt before, and yes, we’ve all hurt someone before.  I know for me, learning how to forgive and let go was certainly a process.  When we hold on to anger and resentment from a betrayal, it is like a permission slip to stay stuck where we are.  When we talk about what happened…who did us wrong, how damaging it was…it allows others to take pity on us.  We feel validated.  We feel like we are right, while the other person is wrong.  There is a benefit we get from it.

Here’s the thing…that so-called “benefit” is nothing more than a detriment to ourselves and our lives.  Holding on to that pain is weighing us down like a ton of bricks.  So, until we figure out how to let it go, we can’t truly move on with our lives completely and fully.  Here are some of the effects that being unwilling to forgive may be having on your life:

  • You bring anger, bitterness and resentment into every relationship and experience.
  • You spend more time living in the past, being unable to fully enjoy the present moment.
  • Your feelings will manifest into diseases.
  • You will miss out on all the richness and wonderment that your life has to offer.

When I was going through my personal transformation, forgiveness was one of the first things I started with.  I began with forgiving myself.  We are so hard on ourselves, and even though I had plenty of reason to point the finger at my ex, I was the hardest on myself.  If we are being truly honest with ourselves, the person we blame first is us.  I did.  I asked myself, “Why would I allow myself to live like this?  Why would I let myself be treated this way?  Why was I okay with living in such an unfulfilling relationship?”  And so on.  It was these questions that sent me on a quest to figure out how to learn how to forgive in a way that was easy, and most importantly, permanent.


Let’s look at the 3 Steps to Easily and Permanently Forgive Anyone of Anything:

Follow the Three Levels of Forgiveness

In my book, “I Have Today…Find Your Passion, Purpose and Smile…Finally!”…I talk about the Three Levels of Forgiveness that I’ve created.  The first level is to forgive yourself.  As I’ve stated above, it seems to always come down to us.  Since perception is projection, we may be looking to point the finger at another for something that happened, but that is the area within ourselves that needs forgiving.  That is why forgiveness of SELF first is SO important!  The second level is to forgive the other person.  That is a difficult pill for people to swallow, but what we need to understand is that we are not hurting them by blaming them and holding on to it.  We are only hurting OURSELVES.  By forgiving the other person, we do not negate the incident.  Instead, we release the choke hold of the pain it’s creating within us.  We MUST forgive them in order to move on.  We MUST look at them the way God looks at them.  In His eyes, we are all forgiven.  The third step is to forgive yourself AGAIN.  What I mean by that is at some point, this event will pop back into your mind.  Either it gets brought back up, or you’re reminded of it in some way, but it WILL rear its ugly head again.  That is the moment you stop it in its tracks.  Go back to basecamp and start with forgiveness of SELF again.  You’ve already lived through the pain before…the last thing you want is to feel it again!  Release and let it go.

Chant “I FORGIVE YOU”

 

I created a video called the “I FORGIVE YOU CHANT.” PLEASE USE THIS!  It is a VERY effective tool for forgiveness.  When you chant the words “I FORGIVE YOU” over and over again, you send forgiveness energy to every one of the trillions of cells in your body, which is so HEALING!  You also emit that forgiving energy out into the universe, which has a ripple effect on everyone and everything.  It’s SO powerful!  When I started practicing this, so many emotions came up for me.  Tears were streaming down my face.  It was so cleansing and cathartic.  I couldn’t get over how light and free I felt afterwards.  This is what I mean when I say forgiveness is so freeing.  I highly encourage you to try this powerful process.

Stop Thinking and Talking About It!

Whatever happened to you is in your PAST.  The only one keeping it alive is YOU!  The thoughts you have and the words you speak about it will keep the pain real for you.  I’m not suggesting you haven’t been hurt and don’t have the right to feel pain from painful experiences.  We all do.  However, the difference between someone who can’t seem to let go of it and someone who’s moved on is in their thoughts and their words associated with it.  For instance, I could talk about what happened with my ex and get sympathy from whomever I’m sharing it with.  But, that keeps me living in the past.  I have forgiven him, I have forgiven me, and I have moved on.  Since I was able to do that, I opened myself up to the extraordinary life I am now living.  Everything I am doing and every single blessing in my life is a result of my forgiveness of self and others.  I don’t ever speak ill of him, and I genuinely wish him well.  Now, that is POWER!  Feeling anything less than that only hurts ME.  It does not hurt him.

If you implement these three steps, I promise you, you will now have the tools you need to easily and permanently learn how to forgive.  How exciting would it be to be able to just let go?!?  I can tell you, being able to forgive everyone has changed me in such a profound way.

We can’t change the events that occur in our lives.  But, we can change our ASSOCIATION to the events, thereby changing our EMOTIONS attached to them!  What a huge A-HA!!!

When I first started to REALLY work on this, I looked within to where I needed to love myself more.  Remember, it’s never about the other person.  It’s about our interpretation.  It is also a DECISION.  I write about CHOICE and DECISION a lot because it is always within our power to decide how we want to FEEL about anything!

DECIDE to forgive YOU, the other person, or the events that occurred.  Come out of it on the other side stronger, more confident, braver, and focus on the life IN FRONT OF YOU, not behind you!  Our cars have large windshields and tiny rear-view mirrors.  They represent a metaphor for our lives.  The small rear-view mirror is simply a tool to look back on occasionally as a reference point.  Don’t focus or linger there.  Focus on the expansiveness that is ahead of you!  That is what’s possible.  That is what is exciting!  That is why forgiveness is SO FREEING!!!

 

LOVE IT!:    I AM FORGIVING!

THANK IT!:    I AM GRATEFUL FOR MY POWER TO FORGIVE!

BRING IT!:    I KNOW HOW FREEING IT IS TO FORGIVE!

 

Quote:   “We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.

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Only 4% of Women Think They Are Beautiful …Four Steps to Change That!

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The brand Dove put out an incredible piece awhile back about women in five cities around the world.  They were given two doorways to choose to pass through…the “Beautiful” doorway or the “Average” doorway.  Guess which doorway most of the women chose.  I’ll post the link to it at the end of the blog so you can see it if you haven’t.  It’s worth the watch.  Enlightening. 

It’s so heartbreaking to think that only 4% of women think they are beautiful.  4%…Really?  This is dedicated to the other 96% of women out there.  My intention is that by the end of this, you’ll see yourself in a new light.  A new, beautiful light.  The light that reflects on your incredible beauty.

What is the definition of beautiful anyway?  Well, it means “pleasing the senses or mind aesthetically.”  It also means “possessing the qualities that give great pleasure or satisfaction to see, hear, think about, etc.; delighting the senses or mind.”    Based on those two definitions, I believe beauty is a CHOICE.  If you sense it and you think it, then aren’t you?  Would it matter what the rest of the world thought?  No.  It would only matter what others thought IF YOU LET IT. 

Unfortunately, we live in a world where we are bombarded by the media with messages that subliminally make us believe we are not good enough.  Buy this lipstick, wear these Spanx (no offense, Sara Blakely, I’m a huge fan!), dye your hair, don’t eat this, eat that, and on and on.

When we do these things, the reason we do it needs to be for one reason, and one reason only.  Because it makes us feel good about ourselves.  We cannot and should not be doing them for anyone else.  Now, I’m not saying that your man won’t benefit from your beautiful new haircut and your hot sexy dress.  Hopefully, he’s the type of man to notice that level of detail.  However, the reason you do it is for YOU.  When we pamper ourselves, love ourselves, do things that make us feel good, we light up!  We just FEEL better, plain and simple. 

Yet, the real issue is that we women tend to always COMPARE ourselves to other women.  She’s got nicer hair than I do, her body is in better shape, she has porcelain skin, her smile is radiant. 

I did an experiment a while back, shortly after my divorce and in the midst of my self-awakening and personal development.  Every time I saw myself in the mirror, whether actively looking or just walking by, I stopped for a second and said “I am GORGEOUS!”  I did this for about two weeks.  Then, I attended a networking event, and I was stunned at the number of people who approached me and referred to me as “GORGEOUS!”  Not pretty, not looking great, not even beautiful.  They used the word I used.  Now, if that’s not powerful proof that we are what we say we are, then I don’t know what is!  It was just an experiment, but what it did for me was lift my spirits, it gave me power and confidence, and it proved to me that the only opinion of myself that truly matters is my own!    Because the way I see myself is a mirror reflection of the way others will see me.  It’s in the energy I am emitting.  I’m passing it along telepathically.  Isn’t that fascinating!?! 

Well, guess what…so are YOU!  What is the program about yourself that’s running through your mind and running your life?  Not beautiful enough?  YOU ARE, YOU ARE, YOU ARE!  I can scream it from the mountaintop, but it will not matter!  It will only matter when YOU BELIEVE IT!  So, I encourage you to please believe it.  Now, I’m going to give you some steps to make that happen.


Step 1

Grab a handheld mirror or stand in front of a mirror.  Look deep into your eyes.  Stare into the opposite eye of your dominant hand.  Keep staring, for at least a minute.  Maybe two or three.  As you’re doing that, do Louise Hay’s work of saying “I Love You, (add your name), I really, really love you.”  As you’re doing this, you will start to notice that your edges start to fade way.  You can literally see yourself expand and see your soul.  It’s so powerful!  THAT is who you are…not just the physical form that you look at every day.  You will be connecting with your BEAUTIFUL Soul!  Enjoy this, and do it every day, if possible.  You’ll begin to feel a shift in you, and you will definitely start experiencing your inner perfection and beauty.

Step 2

Pick a word to describe yourself, like I did.  Feel free to use “GORGEOUS.”  It’s a good one!  But, pick a word that you would like to be referred to as.  Stunning, Radiant, Pretty, Gorgeous, Sexy, Dynamic, and of course, Beautiful, are all great ones!  Then, do what I did…take every opportunity to call yourself by that word every single time you are in front of a mirror.  Then, pay attention, because people WILL start referring to you that way.  It’s so magnetic!

Step 3

For 30 days, abstain from all media related to beauty, or any topic that you KNOW makes you feel bad about yourself.  Do not read any fashion magazines, blogs, watch anything on the internet or TV.  No celebrity gossip.  Nothing.  It’s only one month, you can do it!  Listen, I abstained from meat for 30 days, just to see if I could do it.  Here I am, 15 years later, and I still no longer eat meat.  You don’t know what’s possible until you try.  I’m not suggesting you make it a permanent change.  I’m only asking that you try this experiment and see what starts to happen to you in regards to the way your feel about yourself.  It’s SO worth the effort.

Step 4

This is probably the most important step of all.  I want you to write down a list of ALL the things that you LOVE about yourself.  (We referenced doing this in our “Get Your Sexy Back Blog and Webinar,” but this time you’ll be writing it down and going deeper with it.)  Write down every little detail, like, I love the curve from my waistline to my hipbones, I love the feel of the back of my neck, I like my knees, I like my eyes, I like the way I look when I smile, I love the arch of my eyebrows.  You get the picture…write down EVERYTHING.  Make the list as long as possible.  You can keep this in your journal, or you can keep it near one of the mirrors you spend time in front of every day.  That could be your make-up mirror or your bathroom mirror, but place it somewhere that will keep it top-of-mind for you.  When you see it, stop for a minute and read it.  Remind yourself DAILY about how much you love about yourself.  When you do that on a regular basis, what you love about yourself will expand.  It’s the Law of Attraction.  And it works…every single time!  That’s why it’s called “Law.”

Well…I hope you’re excited about these four steps, and I hope I made good on my intention at the start of this blog…that you see yourself in a new light.  Or, at the very least, the possibilities.

Watch the “DOVE” video, and think about yourself when you watch these women struggle with something that is truly our birthright…our unique, exquisite beauty!  See yourself in all of them, and make the decision that YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL!

Watch the Webinar!

Quote:  “Beauty is when you can appreciate yourself.  When you love yourself, that’s when you’re most beautiful.”  – Zoe Kravitz

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A Happy Life is a Purposeful, Intentional One

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If you asked a thousand people “What do you want out of life?” it is a certainty that the majority of the people would say, “I just want to be happy.”  A happy life is the ultimate goal, isn’t it?  Don’t we all want to FEEL more happiness each and every day?  Absolutely.

What does that mean?  What does happiness really look like?  What does it really feel like?  I believe that a happy life is a life lived with intention and with purpose.  I believe that happiness is a choice.  It’s a decision, in every single moment of every single day.  I know that I am the happiest when I am fully conscious in the present moment of everything and everyone around me.  The little miracles.  For instance, as I write this, the sun is shining outside of my windows, I hear the birds chirping, I can smell the fresh air, there’s beautiful natural light all around me, my man is sitting downstairs on the couch working, there’s a sense of peace and calmness all around me.  I’m smiling.  I mean, really…can happiness feel any better than this?  No…not for me.  I choose it to be a happy, blissful experience.  Therefore, it is.  I could choose to look at the piles of papers, books, bills, lists of things to do that are also around me and focus on all of that.  However, that would make me feel overwhelmed and put my energetic vibration in a dark state.  If I did that, the momentum would continue to flow in that direction, which would ultimately cause me to have a “bad day.”  That’s how fast the energy can shift.  The lesson…focus on how you WANT TO FEEL and guess what?  You’ll feel that way.  It does not matter what is going on around you.  Remember, it is a choice.

Purpose and intentional living create my happiness as well.  I set intentions all day long that whatever I’m doing and whomever I’m speaking to, or communicating with…via email, text, or any form of social media…that I do it from a place of giving.  Serving.  Offering support, advice, resources.  Expecting nothing in return.  It’s not always the case, I’m not going to lie.  I have moments where I forget, or get caught up in something and lose sight of it.  However, I’m getting better and better at catching myself in those moments and course correcting.  That’s when I remember to focus on my purpose.  My purpose is to experience as much love in each day.  My purpose is to inspire.  My purpose is to make other people feel good.  That’s what I live for.  When I stay focused on my purpose and the intention, I can’t help but have a miraculous, happy day. 

Now, this may seem like it’s easy to say but not so easy to do.  I will tell you, it is a practice.  A decision.  Remember, it is a choice.

The point is you have to make the choice that your happiness and the way you feel is what is most important to you.  At the end of the day, it IS what is most important.  If this were your last day on Earth, how would you want to feel during it?  You’d want it to be as happy as it possibly could be.  You’d want everyone you know to know you love them.  You’d spend no time thinking about the things that normally caused you stress and anxiety.  You would know that all that worrying you did was for naught.  The I HAVE TODAY way of living is basically the same as saying “This is your last day on Earth.  How do you want to feel on it and how do you want to spend it?” 

I talk about how powerful we are all the time, but it is so true when it comes to our feelings.  We all get to DECIDE how we FEEL.  No one can MAKE us feel anything.  Remember, it’s a choice.

So, starting TODAY, right now, stop whatever you’re doing and think for a moment.  Are you living with purpose and intentionally right now…or are you counting down the minutes until you can be doing something else?  Are you living with a heart filled with love, or are you worrying about what someone said or did to you?  Are you focused on seeing the miracles and gifts that are surrounding you, or are you so mired in your own little world that you can’t see what’s possible right in front of you?  Think about what your purpose is.  Think about setting intentions for living in happiness.  Think about I HAVE TODAY. 

Then, move blissfully into the rest of your day.  Remember, it’s a choice.

Quote:  Your life doesn’t change in a year, or a month, or a week, or a day.  Your life changes in a moment.  The moment you commit to making a change.”  ~ Diane Forster

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Is Your Job Causing Your Depression? Four Steps to Help

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I had back-to-back situations with clients arise this morning whose current work circumstances are causing them depression.  One client read my book, then did my “30 Day Challenge on How to Have a Better TODAY” and has told me her life is forever changed.  However, she can’t seem to figure out the work piece of the puzzle.  Too many “jobs” but no passion for anything she’s ever done or is currently doing.  She doesn’t even know what she’s passionate about.  She’s stuck.  She’s also stuck in a time rut…she feels like there isn’t any time to do any of the things she would like to do to improve herself.  This is so common with women.  We put ourselves so far back on the priority list, we get mired down in the muck of our lives to the point where we can’t see the forest through the trees. 

Another client has been dealing with the same situation for the past three years.  She works for a boss who is completely unreasonable.  He keeps all the high commission earning accounts for himself and gives her the lower commission accounts that take just as much, if not more, time to cultivate and acquire.  She is a widow, with a child at home, and she needs the income that job provides for her desperately.  She has no one to turn to.  Her boss preys on her vulnerability and takes advantage of her situation to his advantage at every possible opportunity.  Nice guy, huh?  Because she isn’t confident enough to walk out, she stays and puts up with the mistreatment.  This causes a whole host of health issues for her, making it even more difficult to earn an income because of her sick days.

What is predominant in both of these women is their lack of self-worth, and they are both suffering from depression.  Is the job causing the depression…or is their depression keeping them stuck in these jobs?  I think it’s both.

The Law of Attraction states that like attracts like.  We are magnets for what we say, what we think, and what we believe.  My first client doesn’t think she has anything important to contribute, which is why she “works” jobs for the pay only.  She can never get out from under that if she keeps saying, thinking and believing that’s true.  She is lucky, though.  She has the support of a loving, devoted husband who will do anything for her.  Unfortunately, my second client doesn’t have that support.  She currently has no real male role models in her life, so she succumbs to the behavior of a man who clearly has no respect for her. 

When I transitioned out of my corporate job to become an Entrepreneur, it was crazy scary!  I had some money saved, but I had been working full time since I was 19 years old.  I spent 20 years at my last job.  Needless to say, walking away without a net was not something I thought I’d ever do.  Yet, when your heart is so heavy with unhappiness, you MUST do what you can to make that right.  Life is way too short to spend even a day being unhappy! 

Here are four steps to take when you are in this space and don’t have any idea how to get out:

TRUST

You must first believe that things are ALWAYS working out in your favor.  Always.  The job you have is there to teach you something.  Maybe it’s to learn greater self-confidence.  Maybe it’s to make a connection with someone that you have no idea when or where that will serve you down the road.  Maybe it is to hone in on what it is you REALLY want to do and what you’re meant to be doing, and it is merely a stepping stone on the journey along the way.

GRATITUDE

As hard as this may seem, do your very best to be grateful for the job you have…even if it’s causing you to feel depressed.  Find SOMETHING to be grateful for about it.  The Law of Relativity works well here…relative to some of the other jobs out there, your situation could always be worse, right?   So, focus on the gifts you receive from this job…the money, flexibility, work from home, etc.  It’s much easier to find something else when you focus on the good in your current situation.

REDO YOUR RESUME

This accomplishes two things.  First, you’ll have it ready to go at a moment’s notice.  That will definitely boost your confidence to have that piece of the process handled ahead of time.  Remember the expression “Luck is when Preparation meets Opportunity.”  You never know where opportunity will present itself, so be prepared.  Second, when you update your resume, you will reflect on all your years of experience, which will remind you of how much you do really know, you are skilled at, and it will give you the sense of accomplishment, which you so rightly deserve to feel!  You know more than you think you do!!!

DAYDREAM

Silly as it may sound, spend as much time as you can daydreaming about what you want your days to look like and feel like.  How do you want to spend your time?  What activities do you do where the hours go by and feel like minutes?  If you can’t think of anything, that’s ok.  Go back to your early childhood days and think about what you used to like to do back then.  Draw, paint, dance, play ball, build with blocks.  Remember that childlike feeling of just having fun for the sake of having fun.  Then, close your eyes and hold on to that feeling for as long as you can.  If any thoughts or ideas come up, take note of them.  That is your inner guidance leading you to the answer of what your purpose is.  It’s a worthwhile exercise, so enjoy it.

You don’t have to stay in a job or career you don’t like.  You don’t have to live with the depression of going to a place day after day, feeling unfulfilled and unworthy.  YOU GET TO DECIDE.  You have that power!  Own it!  You CAN make a change, and it’s crazy scary…I get it!  I’ve done it.  However, once you make the leap, the net will be there, I promise.  Just T.R.U.S.T.

 

Quote:  “Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work.  And the only way to do great work is to love what you do.”  ~ Steve Jobs

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4 Ways to Get More Out of Your Weekend Get-A-Ways

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I was able to get away a couple of weeks ago with my man, Jim.  We live in separate cities at the moment, so we decided to meet in Sedona.  We had such a wonderful time!  Sedona is so magical.  If you haven’t been there, I highly recommend it. 

The landscape is indescribable.  Even the most skilled of photographers can’t quite capture the beauty, the majesty, the energy that’s there.  Everywhere you look, there are massive rock formations around you.  You never look at the same thing twice because the shadows and shapes change with the passing of the sun. 

We visited five of the seven vortexes.  We would have visited all of them, but the weather wasn’t cooperating with us.  Oh well…we just have to go back! 

We spent a long weekend there and had such a wonderful time that we are going back in two months.  Which leads me to why I’m writing this.  I know there are so many of you that do not take the time to plan getaways.  There’s a million excuses…I don’t have the time, I don’t have the money, I only get limited vacation time, I have no one to watch the kids, I have no one to go with. 

Here’s the thing…you can “excuse” your life away.  Have you noticed that time seems to be moving faster than ever?  That’s because it actually IS.  Since 1980, the earth’s heart beat has been speeding up.  Google it if you want to find out more.  Therefore, we NEED to be spending our time doing more of the things we want to be doing and less time fretting and worrying about things that are not important.  One of the best ways to get your head clear and nurture yourself is to make sure to get away on a regular basis.  Vacations are wonderful, but even little weekend get-a-ways have a massively positive effect on our spirit and our energy levels.  If you struggle to fit it in, here are four ways that may help you.

Get Out Your Calendar and Block Off a Weekend Every 4 to 6 Weeks

The beach, the dessert, the mountains, the lake, the city.  Look at the entire year and put those get-a-ways on the calendar FIRST.  You can fill in the gaps where you want to go after, but get it on the calendar.  That way, when you come across a place you’d like to visit, you can say to yourself “Hey, I’ve wanted to go there, and now I’m going!  I’ll pick the last trip of the year for that destination!”  How fun, right? 

Look for Deals on Accommodations, Travel, Events Ahead of Time

Since you’re planning ahead of time, you’ll be able to scout some really incredible deals on sites like Airbnb, Travelocity, AAA, Expedia, TripAdvisor, Kayak, etc.  Your RAS (Reticular Activating System of your brain) will be fired up because you’ve put regular travel on your calendar, so you’ll have a heightened awareness about this and you’ll see deals will just start popping up in front of you! So cool!

Get a Support Group Together

Find and form a group to handle watching the kids and the pets, collecting mail, watching the house, etc.  How awesome will it be when you coordinate this group where you all look out for each other when you go away?!?  “I’ll watch yours if you watch mine!”  A built-in network of FREE services! 

Feel ZERO Guilt!

You know what I’m going to say here…at the end of your life, you do not want to look back and say “I wish I traveled more and spent more of my time having fun.”  There’s no guilt here.  Your kids and your pets need a vacation from you, too.  Nurturing yourself sets an example to your children that they, too, should nurture themselves.  They’ll grow up to thank you for it when they’re older, I promise.  Just go and HAVE FUN!

Living INTENTIONALLY means you get to decide what your life looks like, what it feels like, what you do, where you go, and how you spend your time.  You deserve it.  Life is supposed to be WAY more FUN than many people make it.  Do you ever notice that the people who make the most money seem to be having the most fun?  That’s because they put enjoying life at the forefront of everything.  They have a healthy, positive attitude and they put their needs first.  That’s how the abundance comes to them in all areas of their lives.  It’s not the other way around, like so many others think!

The bottom line is this… there will always be work to do…which isn’t a bad thing.  We just have to prioritize our happiness and put it at the forefront of our lives.  Our emotional happiness, our physical happiness, our spiritual happiness, our mental happiness.  Weekend getaways are a great way to stay charged and energized in your life.  So, take out your calendar and get moving.  The world awaits you!

Quote:  “The world is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page.” – Saint Augustine

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Four Tips to Get Your Sexy Back

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I was so thrilled to have Adrienne McGill on my webinar a couple of weeks ago.  Adrienne and I have been friends for five years now, and she provides such a powerful, needed service to women.  She is a premiere bra fitter and sells high-end, beautiful lingerie to women of all sizes.  Her company is called Adrienne Clarisse. 

Our show was on Valentine’s Day and it was entitled “How to Fall in Love with YOU and Get Your Sexy Back.”  The lack of self-love and self-worth that women feel for themselves is criminal!!!  Why are we so hard on ourselves?  Why do we focus so much attention on the parts of the body that we don’t like instead of focusing on the parts that we actually DO like?  As an Intentional Living Expert, I make it a POINT to focus on the parts of me I really like and love.  I wasn’t always that way, but along my journey with I Have Today, I have learned to love my perfectly imperfect self completely.  I’m just accepting of the wrinkles, the stretch marks, the cellulite.  Would I like them not to be there…of course!  But, isn’t it grand that I’ve lived a life so far that shows some wear and tear…like I’ve actually LIVED a little…birthed 15 lbs. of full term twins, worked a lot, played a lot, traveled a lot, experienced a lot.  I believe that makes me far more interesting, and therefore more sexy, than if I hadn’t experienced all of that.  Just sayin’.

We talked about “The Power Outfit” and “Defining You” from my book, I Have Today:  Find Your Passion, Purpose and Smile…Finally” and how it relates to the conversation we were having.  We also talked about Adrienne’s journey out of corporate America and how she transitioned into the lingerie/bra fitting/women empowerment industry.   

Here are four take-a-ways from the webinar that are worth mentioning again for all women (and men) to know:

We All Need to Love Ourselves Perfectly Imperfect

Since no one is perfect anyway, let’s just let everyone off the hook already!  Embrace the parts you don’t like just as much as the parts you do.  In fact, pay no attention to the parts you don’t like and ONLY focus on the parts you do like…and guess what?  The good parts will expand and you’ll start loving more and more of yourself.  It is the Law of Attraction, and it works every single time!  The late, great Wayne Dyer used to say “when you change the way you look at things, the things that you look at change.”  So true!

Shift the Love from One Area of Your Body to Another Area

Find one thing that you love about your body and focus all of your attention and love on it.  Then, find an area that you don’t like or love…maybe your butt, your stomach, your arms, your legs.  Then, take all the love that you just put towards the part you love and SHIFT it over to the part that you don’t love and HOLD THAT LOVE THERE FOR IT.  It’s like the runt of the litter of puppies…would you ever NOT love that one???  NO, of course not!  So, why do we do that to our precious bodies?  Love all of it, equally.

Buy Yourself a Matching Set of Bra and Panties That When You Wear It, It Makes You Feel Like “I’m Hot! I Rock! I Can Do Anything!”

Every woman should have at least one set that makes her feel that way!  In fact, her drawer should be FULL of matching sets that say that!  Wear them for YOU because they make YOU feel feminine and beautiful.  You deserve to feel that way, because you are Hot, and you do Rock!

Lingerie is NOT for Men!

It’s true, guys.  Lingerie is for women…designed to make women feel beautiful.  The benefit for men isn’t the lingerie…it’s that they get to see us in our glow, feeling beautiful.  (This was my favorite thing Adrienne said that day.  I just love this!)

There were so many other great nuggets in our conversation, so if you missed it, you can catch it here.

The bottom line is this…before we can fully love another, we must first completely love ourselves.  ALL of ourselves.  When we do, we are magnetically more attractive to everyone.  So, stop putting yourself down if you do that.  Embrace your beauty.  Be a Rockin’ Hot Babe who can DO Anything!  Love yourself perfectly imperfect.

Quote: “Being sexy is all about attitude, not body type. It’s a state of mind.” –  Amisha Patel

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4 Steps to Help YourSELF with Depression and Suicidal Thoughts

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I just hosted a webinar on Suicide and Depression, and my journey out of my unhappy life to living an Empowered, Purposeful, Authentic Life…living on my terms, focused on my goals, dreams and desires.  My journey back to myself and self-empowerment is what I teach at I HAVE TODAY.

What I learned in preparing for the webinar was how high the number of suicides were for “middle-aged” people.  Ages 45-64 was the highest age group.  I guess it makes sense…I’m in that age group, and I know EXACTLY how it feels.  It turns out that this age group suffers the most because it seems that the depression dates all the way back to the teen years.  There were emotional problems that were never addressed or healed from, and they’ve been carrying that pain around all these years.  Piled on top of that are the changes that happen in mid-life…higher percentage of divorces, mid-life crises, health factors, becoming empty nesters, changes in career, caring for elderly family members…it’s a time of massive transitions.  Those transitions can be devastating to those who don’t have the self-esteem, self-confidence, self-worth tools they need to overcome the obstacles they face.  It becomes overwhelming, and they feel like there’s no way out.  The pain can’t be ignored and it can’t be masked.

The “I HAVE TODAY” System will definitely help with finding your passion and purpose, creating a life of love, joy, fulfillment, peace and happiness.  If you want to find out more information about it, please click HERE

In the meantime, I wanted to share 4 Steps to Helping YourSELF TODAY:

Focus on Your SPIRITUALITY

Implement a meditation practice into your life.  Even if you start with only 5 minutes a day and work yourself up to 15-20 minutes a day, you will start to feel inner peace.  I tell this to everyone…you MUST meditate.  For me, it’s like breathing…I need it.  You can use my Rainbow Breath Meditation practice or my Rainbow Ribbon of Healing practice.  Either one is great for every level of meditation practice.  If you don’t, please find one that works for you. 

Focus on Your PHYSICALITY

You need to move your body!  Get out and walk, go for a bike ride, go hiking, start dancing around the house…anything!  Moving our bodies elevates our heart rate and increases our release of endorphins, which boosts our moods and creates a positive feeling in our bodies.  Even if you don’t feel like it, force yourself to do it.  Once you start doing it on a consistent basis, you’ll start to NEED to do it.  It’s a good addiction! 

Focus on Your CONNECTIVITY

Human interaction is critical when you are feeling depressed.  You need to be with other people.   Make sure you have someone to reach out to.  If you don’t have a friend, sister, brother, co-worker, or anyone you can turn to, then look into joining meet up groups with similar interests of yours, go to different churches to seek community.  Do whatever you need to do to build up a support system for you.

Focus on Your MENTALITY

Our mindsets are so powerful.  Once we reach the age of 5 years old, our subconscious no longer has the capacity to not judge or have opinions.  Once that happens, we are programmed by the events and circumstances in our lives.  We have emotions and feelings associated with those events.  Things like being told “we’re not good enough,” “we’ll never be rich,” “wealth is for other people,” and the like.  Even innocent statements with the best intentions have hidden meanings to us because we naturally go into the mode of believing the worst about ourselves first because it’s so much easier for us to believe.  Well, there’s a solution for this old paradigm programming.  It’s one of the 12 Laws of the Universe.  The Law of Polarity states that “we suppress and transform undesirable thoughts by concentrating on the opposite pole.”  That means that we can CHANGE our association to any EVENT that occurred in our lives by thinking about and speaking about the event from the opposite perspective.  Our subconscious cannot tell the difference between a lie and the truth.  So, we can tell ourselves ANYTHING we want, and as long as we believe it, we will change the effects of the event…creating a new, better outcome.  I know this might be confusing, so look up more on the power of this Law.  It’s incredible.  It’s what allows me to see the gift in EVERY single moment of my life.  I know that when a negative event occurs, there’s an equally positive event that will occur.  POWERFUL!

One last point I’d like to make is that nothing is “outside” of us.  We all possess the power and skills to help ourselves.  Yes, we need help and support, but we make the DECISION to reach out for help.  We make the DECISION that we don’t want to suffer anymore and that we CAN do what it takes to create the life we WANT to live.  It’s not weak to ask for help.  In fact, it shows tremendous strength.  We ALL need help.

If you or someone you know is suffering with depression and has suicidal thoughts, they need help and support right away!  I can help.  Reach out to me at Diane@IHaveToday.com for support and guidance.    You need to know that you are not alone, that you are much bigger and better than what’s happening to you right now, that you are SO WORTHY of all the HAPPINESS your heart can handle, and on the opposite side of those feelings is EXTRAORDINARY BLISS…just waiting for you!

 

Quote: “Sometimes, reaching out and taking someone’s hand is the beginning of a journey. At other times, it is allowing another to take yours.” ― Vera Nazarian

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You Never Know Who You’re Reaching

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I had an interesting conversation a while ago with two amazing women.  Diane Stein and Kim Barker.  They have their Masters Degrees in Education and have been teaching and influencing children and adults their whole careers.  Their resumes could fill this blog.

Diane is a friend of mine from high school.  We go WAY back.  Kim is a new friendship.

The interesting part about the conversation was that both Diane and Kim have read my book, and they both used it as a reference and teaching tool with their staff and students.  When they told me the positive effect it had on them, a lightbulb when off in my head, my heart skipped a beat, and my eyes swelled with tears.  I think that’s what I would classify as a moment the Divine enters inside of you and lets you know that you are about to go down a new path.  Here, all this time, I thought my calling was to help women who have little to no self-worth instead to discover their true divinity, power and purpose (that’s my mission statement.)  It turns out, I think I’m supposed to be guiding a younger audience as well.  The under privileged, lower income socio economic group.  Go figure. 

I decided to have Diane and Kim on my Webinar to talk about their backgrounds and the amazing work they do in service of others, and talk specifically about the ways my book and my processes were helpful for them.  I wanted to know the details.  I wanted to know exactly what resonated the most.  The acts of taking a breath and the work on anxiety resonated with them the most.  They’re using some of the practices on their students, and it’s helping.

When we write and speak, we never really know how what we’ve said has impacted someone’s lives exactly.  It isn’t until after you “put it out there” and you get feedback that you gain clarity.  Feedback is vitally important to me.  As an “Intentional Living Expert”, I want every word I say or write to have only the best, most effective, powerful Impact and intent it can have. 

Every single word we speak or write matters.  When we take our thoughts from our heads and translate them into communication, they live forever.  I’m sure you’ve heard this before that every thought that was ever thought still exists, every sound ever made still exists, so every word we utter lives forever.  Choose them wisely.

Which takes me back to my point about the younger, under privileged community out there.  I’ve got some words for you!  You are so special, so talented, so gifted, so extraordinary, and so worth it!  You MATTER more than these words can say.  Don’t give up.  Don’t quit.  Do not consider yourselves a victim of your upbringing and your circumstances.  You are better than that.  You’re smarter than you know.  You’re much more powerful than you give yourself credit for.  Just…Keep…Going!

I guess this message really applies to everyone, including me.  We all could use to hear them:

We all matter so much.

The world would not be the same without any of us.

Our circumstances do not define our worthiness.

We are all born into this world the same way and we all leave the same way.

It’s what we choose to do with that time in between that counts.

So, make it count, ok.

 

Quote: “You can never plan the future by the past.” – Edmund Burke

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Are you “Huggable?”

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I had an interesting thing happen to me yesterday.  I was shooting a video late in the afternoon, when all of a sudden, the doorbell rang.  As I approached the door, I could see a man standing about 15 feet away from the door, looking into the glass panel as I started to open the door.  For a brief moment, I thought “Isn’t that weird?  He just rang the bell a moment ago and he’s already walking away.” 

It wasn’t until I opened the door that it all started to make sense.  Standing before me was a beautiful little girl with a notebook in her hands.  She had long, straight, blonde hair, beautiful blue eyes and a warm smile.  I said a cheery “Hello” to her with a bit of curiosity in my voice, even though I knew all too well what was coming next.  She said “Hello, my name is Erin, and I am selling Girl Scout Cookies.  Would you like to buy some?”  I stepped outside to greet them both, the man with her now standing a little bit closer.  It turns out that he is her grandfather taking her around the neighborhood to sell cookies. 

I replied to Erin “Of course.  I’d love to buy some.  I’ll take two boxes.”  As she wrote down the information in her notebook, her grandfather and I introduced ourselves to each other.  Still fairly new living here, I have not had the chance to meet many of the neighbors yet. 

We started asking the usual questions you ask when you first meet someone to get to know them better.  We stood there for about ten minutes.  What took me by surprise was that the entire time her grandfather, Tim, and I were talking, Erin kept coming over to me and throwing her arms around my waist to hug me.  She must have done it about a half a dozen times.  Even remembering it now and writing this brings a tear to my eyes.  What a beautiful expression of love from a third grade little girl to me, a total stranger.

I stopped talking whenever she did it so I could smile at her and hug her back.  I wanted her to know that I acknowledged the gestger and appreciated it.  It’s such a simple thing, but it got me thinking.  We all emit our energy, whether we are consciously aware of it or not.  And, others feel it!  This little girl had such an open heart and warm energy, and she could feel mine too.  As I stood there talking to Tim, she stood there, staring at me.  I could literally feel her love for me.  So, she did what every kid does, and what every adult loses the ability to do…she expressed herself without any fear of being judged or rejected.  That’s a priceless gift.

As we finished our conversation and made arrangements for the two of them to deliver the cookies at another time, we all said good-bye to one another.  She hugged me one last time.  When I got back into the house, I realized the sun was already setting so I would not be able to shoot anymore video that day.  The opportunity was gone.  I had lost the light.  But, what I gained was so much better.  The warm, genuine hugs of a child.  That was totally worth it!

Being someone who practices and teaches intentional living, it’s those moments in life that we need to honor, embrace and remember the most.  I love when they are so unexpected such as that moment was.  Maybe part of the energy I was emitting yesterday was that I could really use a hug.  I mean, couldn’t we all use one?  I hope you get hugged today, as many times as you need one.  I’m giving you a virtual one right now…I hope you can feel it!

 

Quote:  A hug is like a boomerang…you get it back right away.  ~ Bil Keane

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5 RULES: How to Gain 10 Extra Hours Per Week…Just for YOU!

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This is Part 2 of a two-part series blog post.  In the first blog, we laid out the 4 STEPS needed to begin the process of gaining back 10 hours per week…just for YOU!  Now you’re ready to make some adjustments that will free up your time and change your life, creating more happiness and balance overall. These changes may not be easy at first, because were so programmed in our habits. But if you do these tactical strategic rituals, I guarantee you more fulfillment. Heck, you may even gain back even more than 10 hours per week. I know that I have! My life is far more balanced and I am much happier living by these following rules:

Rule #1

Only check your emails twice a day. I know that seems radical, but remember the days before email? Remember the days when we’d actually have to make phone calls and going to actually “see” people? We live in a society that expects immediate gratification. We do not work under the guidelines of anyone else but ourselves! I live by the rule that if someone sends me an email and wants a response, I have 24 hours to respond. If it’s something urgent and someone really needs to get a hold of me, they will text me or they will call me. There is virtually nothing that is sent via email that requires an urgent reply.

For emails I follow the 3D Rule:  Delete It, Delegate It, Do It

One of the biggest time wasters is reading an email and saying to yourself I’ll get to that later. It’s like moving paper around on your desk and touching it 10 times. That’s another big time waster. When you read your email if it requires no action, delete it. 

If it’s something that you think you may want to read later, create a folder and move it into there for a later time. If the email requires someone else’s attention, forwarded to that person immediately. You may want to acknowledge the sender and let them know that it is being handled and that they’ll be hearing from the other party with a response.  Finally, if the email requires an action on your part, handle it right then and there. Do not put off something for a later time, as that creates a backlog of tasks you need to get to at another time.  I do my best to make sure at the end of the day, my inbox is as close to empty as possible. I then spend about 5 to 10 minutes at the end of the week emptying out the trash folder. Deleting past documents creates room for new money, business, and energy to flow into your life.

You have no idea how freeing the feeling is of scheduling time only two times a day to check your email. This sounds like it would be really difficult to do but trust me it isn’t. People will respect and honor your boundaries. They will soon know that when they require an answer or an action on your part, they will receive it within 24 hours, which is completely reasonable!

Rule #2

Only check, post, respond to social media once a day.  This might be the most challenging of all, given that social media has become such a large part of our lives. However, if you allow anywhere from 15 minutes to 60 minutes per day for all of your social media, I think you’ll find that that is enough time to catch up on everyone’s personal lives, wish everyone happy birthday, read all relative articles related to your interests in business, and even do a little pinning if that’s your thing. For me, gone are the days that I check Facebook three, four, five times per day. Not that I don’t love keeping up with all my friends and family because I do. But, while I’m looking and watching other people’s lives, it’s taking away from my own life.

Rule #3

Schedule exercise every day for 30 to 60 minutes. Your health and your body are your greatest asset and it does not matter how much money or time you have if you don’t have your health. This is critical and there is time no matter what’s going on in your life for you to give yourself that gift every day. Doesn’t have to be anything fancy like going to the gym or yoga class.… Although those are wonderful experiences and opportunities to share space with others who have those interests as well. It could be as simple as taking a walk in the morning or after dinner, on your lunch hour, etc. just move your body for at least 30 minutes a day. Not only will you stay healthier, but you’ll have more energy.

Rule #4

Schedule time to read 30 to 60 minutes per day. Make sure it’s something that inspires you or entertains you. This activity will help reignite positive energy and playfulness in you.  When you’re reading, it means that the TV is off, which is a good thing. I’m not saying that all TV is bad, but scheduling time to read means you’re less likely to just habitually turn on the tube, channel surf, and vegetate. It also stops you from doing mindless eating, since it requires your hands to hold the book or tablet.

Rule #5

This is the most important rule of all. SCHEDULE YOUR FUN!  Put it in your calendar in RED!  Make it big and bold so that every time you look at it, you are reminded of how important it is!  Make sure to put it in there every week! Then, watch as it expands beyond the 10 hours. Soon you’ll be looking for other ways to cut out time wasters so that you can enjoy more of the things you love to do and that enrich your amazing life!

Have FUN with your new found time!  Write to me and let me know what you’re doing with it!  I love your pictures, comments and feedback! 

 

Quote:  Time is what prevents everything from happening all at once. – Albert Einstein

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4 STEPS on How To Gain An Extra 10 Hours A Week…Just for YOU!

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Doesn’t 10 extra hours per week sound heavenly? What would you do with all that extra time for you to use just for yourself? Does that sound greedy? Selfish? Unattainable? Well it’s actually easier than you think. You deserve it and you should have it!

What would you do with 10 extra hours per week? Think about the things that you like to do but don’t seem to find the time or have the time to do them. For example, do you like to play golf or tennis?  Do you enjoy spending time at the beach?  Is your favorite pass time playing video games?  What about ten extra hours of sleep each week?  What would that do for the overall quality of your life and health?  Perhaps you’d enjoy going out with friends more, or out to dinner more, to the movies, street festivals, bike riding, listening to live music. There are so many wonderful options to choose from!

Well, it’s a lot easier than you think.  With a some well thought out planning, a little bit of daydreaming (hey, there’s another use for that extra time!), and some determination, you can actually enjoy these precious hours and have them be guilt free! 

Step 1

Spend some time writing down the things that you enjoy doing. Go back to your childhood days and think about the things you used to love to do from age 0 to 10. Then think about the things you used to love to do ages 10 to 20. Try to remember what you were doing that made you lose track of time. You were having so much fun that hours could go by but it felt like minutes.  This exercise will help you reconnect with the child and the playfulness that’s within you.

Step 2

Think about all the things that you do during the day that are wasting your time. How many times a day do you check your email? How many minutes, or hours, are you on social media? Do you spend time during the day doing activities that somebody else could be doing for you? If you get a handle on this, I think you’ll realize just how much time is spent on these activities that truly don’t bring any fulfillment to your life.

Step 3

Get out your calendar and for the next few days write down the most significant thing you’ve done in each hour. Start with the first thing in the morning, say at 6 AM in the morning, right down at 7 AM what was the most significant thing you did in that first hour. At 8 AM, do the same thing, and so on throughout your day. You’ll start to see a pattern after a few days of how you’re using your time.

Step 4

Decide when and how you’d like to split up these 10 hours each week. It could be that you’d like to extra hours per day during the week. Or, perhaps you’d like five extra hours on Saturday and Sunday. Spend some time thinking how these extra hours would best serve you in your life because that will determine where the areas are in your life that need the adjustment the most.

Take the time and do these four steps today, and I’ll be back with the next blog that will explain some of the “rules” on how to gain back your precious time!  HAVE FUN with this!!!  Life is supposed to be FUN!!!

 

Quote:  Time stays long enough for those who use it. –  Leonardo Da Vinci

PS…Life is supposed to feel good…all the time.

When it comes to living the life of your dreams, there 8 key things you have to focus on to live that life. It doesn’t matter if you’re looking for love, money, success, or happiness…I’ve discovered these 8 keys to creating your dream life, or as I call it, a “Have It All Life!”

Spend 3 days with me, from the comfort of your own home, and learn the 8 Principles to Get Whatever You Want! Learn more: http://bit.ly/dfvirtualevent

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