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Is Your Job Causing Your Depression- Four Steps to Help Diane Forster

Is Your Job Causing Your Depression? Four Steps to Help

March 23, 2017 //  by Diane Forster

I had back-to-back situations with clients arise this morning whose current work circumstances are causing them depression.  One client read my book, then did my “30 Day Challenge on How to Have a Better TODAY” and has told me her life is forever changed.  However, she can’t seem to figure out the work piece of the puzzle.  Too many “jobs” but no passion for anything she’s ever done or is currently doing.  She doesn’t even know what she’s passionate about.  She’s stuck.  She’s also stuck in a time rut…she feels like there isn’t any time to do any of the things she would like to do to improve herself.  This is so common with women.  We put ourselves so far back on the priority list, we get mired down in the muck of our lives to the point where we can’t see the forest through the trees. 

Another client has been dealing with the same situation for the past three years.  She works for a boss who is completely unreasonable.  He keeps all the high commission earning accounts for himself and gives her the lower commission accounts that take just as much, if not more, time to cultivate and acquire.  She is a widow, with a child at home, and she needs the income that job provides for her desperately.  She has no one to turn to.  Her boss preys on her vulnerability and takes advantage of her situation to his advantage at every possible opportunity.  Nice guy, huh?  Because she isn’t confident enough to walk out, she stays and puts up with the mistreatment.  This causes a whole host of health issues for her, making it even more difficult to earn an income because of her sick days.

What is predominant in both of these women is their lack of self-worth, and they are both suffering from depression.  Is the job causing the depression…or is their depression keeping them stuck in these jobs?  I think it’s both.

The Law of Attraction states that like attracts like.  We are magnets for what we say, what we think, and what we believe.  My first client doesn’t think she has anything important to contribute, which is why she “works” jobs for the pay only.  She can never get out from under that if she keeps saying, thinking and believing that’s true.  She is lucky, though.  She has the support of a loving, devoted husband who will do anything for her.  Unfortunately, my second client doesn’t have that support.  She currently has no real male role models in her life, so she succumbs to the behavior of a man who clearly has no respect for her. 

When I transitioned out of my corporate job to become an Entrepreneur, it was crazy scary!  I had some money saved, but I had been working full time since I was 19 years old.  I spent 20 years at my last job.  Needless to say, walking away without a net was not something I thought I’d ever do.  Yet, when your heart is so heavy with unhappiness, you MUST do what you can to make that right.  Life is way too short to spend even a day being unhappy! 

Here are four steps to take when you are in this space and don’t have any idea how to get out:

TRUST

You must first believe that things are ALWAYS working out in your favor.  Always.  The job you have is there to teach you something.  Maybe it’s to learn greater self-confidence.  Maybe it’s to make a connection with someone that you have no idea when or where that will serve you down the road.  Maybe it is to hone in on what it is you REALLY want to do and what you’re meant to be doing, and it is merely a stepping stone on the journey along the way.

GRATITUDE

As hard as this may seem, do your very best to be grateful for the job you have…even if it’s causing you to feel depressed.  Find SOMETHING to be grateful for about it.  The Law of Relativity works well here…relative to some of the other jobs out there, your situation could always be worse, right?   So, focus on the gifts you receive from this job…the money, flexibility, work from home, etc.  It’s much easier to find something else when you focus on the good in your current situation.

REDO YOUR RESUME

This accomplishes two things.  First, you’ll have it ready to go at a moment’s notice.  That will definitely boost your confidence to have that piece of the process handled ahead of time.  Remember the expression “Luck is when Preparation meets Opportunity.”  You never know where opportunity will present itself, so be prepared.  Second, when you update your resume, you will reflect on all your years of experience, which will remind you of how much you do really know, you are skilled at, and it will give you the sense of accomplishment, which you so rightly deserve to feel!  You know more than you think you do!!!

DAYDREAM

Silly as it may sound, spend as much time as you can daydreaming about what you want your days to look like and feel like.  How do you want to spend your time?  What activities do you do where the hours go by and feel like minutes?  If you can’t think of anything, that’s ok.  Go back to your early childhood days and think about what you used to like to do back then.  Draw, paint, dance, play ball, build with blocks.  Remember that childlike feeling of just having fun for the sake of having fun.  Then, close your eyes and hold on to that feeling for as long as you can.  If any thoughts or ideas come up, take note of them.  That is your inner guidance leading you to the answer of what your purpose is.  It’s a worthwhile exercise, so enjoy it.

You don’t have to stay in a job or career you don’t like.  You don’t have to live with the depression of going to a place day after day, feeling unfulfilled and unworthy.  YOU GET TO DECIDE.  You have that power!  Own it!  You CAN make a change, and it’s crazy scary…I get it!  I’ve done it.  However, once you make the leap, the net will be there, I promise.  Just T.R.U.S.T.

 

Quote:  “Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work.  And the only way to do great work is to love what you do.”  ~ Steve Jobs

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Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: I Have Today Meetup, intentional living

I was JOLTED in the Other Direction with Diane Forster

I was JOLTED in the Other Direction

December 13, 2016 //  by Diane Forster

Let me pick up where I left off in my last blog post… The signs show up as a whisper.  Then, the whispers get louder.  Then, finally, if that’s not enough, which it turns out it wasn’t for me, the JOLT comes.  Apparently, I needed that JOLT to pivot me in the other direction. 

After that night in June when I attempted to take my life, I called a therapist immediately the next day and said “I need help.  I am changing my life.”  That began months of counseling and working to build up my strength and resources to be able to leave the marriage and go on with my life. 

Several months had passed.  Life in our home was so unbearable.  My ex was becoming more and more distant, and frankly, dismissive and rude to me.  Even my friends noticed it.  One friend said to me, after he walked out of the house to go run an errand, while she and I were sitting alone together, “What is wrong?  Why is he so angry?  Why does he talk to you like that?”  I burst into tears and said “I don’t know.”     

Well, it was only a few weeks later that I discovered why.  I found out that he had been having an affair and was in love with someone else.  Hence, the JOLT.  When I discovered it, I was enraged!  I was so angry.  His guilt over it combined with his inability to leave me had him taking it out ON me!  I was FURIOUS!  But…I was so EMPOWERED!!!  That moment was the moment that everything shifted for me!  I got my power back!  I knew in that instant that I was going to be okay…in fact, I was going to be BETTER than okay.  I found MYSELF and MY SELF-WORTH in that moment.  What a GIFT!!!

I look back on that time now with no emotion attached to it, other than love and forgiveness.  I worked diligently to heal my pain, own my part in the demise of the relationship, and move on with my life.  I have completely forgiven him, and myself, for mistakes we made in our marriage.  I know that, even though there were things that could have been handled differently, that both he and I did the best we could with what we were both capable of at the time. 

That JOLT was such a blessing for me.  It was the peak emotional experience I needed to pivot in the other direction…from fearful and weak to empowered and strong.  It was because of that experience that I am where I am today…SO happy, healthy, in love, in joy, in peace, in expansion, in constant learning mode, so fulfilled living each day of my life with intention and purpose.  He and his new wife seem happy in their life together, and let’s face it…if I ever truly loved him, which I did, then I wish him all the love and happiness in the world.  I really, really do.  Now, that’s healthy…wouldn’t you agree?

Our gifts sometimes come disguised as pain first.  Oftentimes, when I’m experiencing a challenging time in my life, I’ll ask myself “I’m not quite sure what the “gift” is yet, but I’m sure I’ll be shown down the road sometime, right?” as I look up to the sky for answers.  You know what…I ALWAYS receive the answer.  I just trust, and the answer comes.  I work with clients all the time that are hanging on to so much anger and rage, and I explain to them that they are the ONLY ones holding on to the negative emotion.  They are the only ones keeping their pain alive! 

We must know that everything that shows up in our lives is for our highest, greatest good…always!  When we know that, REALLY know that, we process through painful experiences much more quickly and heal so much faster. 

Sometimes, the experience is slow in coming.  Other times, it’s a JOLT.  Whichever way it shows up…like I teach in my book I HAVE TODAY and in the I HAVE TODAY SYSTEM…you’ve got to learn to LOVE IT!  THANK IT!  BRING IT!

 

Quote:  Painful as it may be, a significant emotional event can be the catalyst for choosing a direction that serves us, and those around us, more effectively. Look for the learning.  – Louisa May Alcott

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Filed Under: Diane's Story Tagged With: I Have Today Meetup

Having No Self-Worth as a Woman is Debilitating with Diane Forster

Having No Self-Worth as a Woman is Debilitating!

December 7, 2016 //  by Diane Forster

When I look back on how I used to be, I looked “All Together” on the outside.  But, on the inside, I was suffering.  The lack of self-worth I had for myself was debilitating, and I was feeling smaller and smaller every day.  I felt like I had no voice in my marriage.  I felt like who I was and how I felt didn’t matter.  Not because it was physically abusive or I was fearful for my life, or anything like that.  But because of the emptiness and loneliness in the marriage. 

I grew up in a household with a mother and father who loved each other, but they didn’t openly express their love for each other.  There was nothing demonstrative there, so I grew up thinking that’s what marriage looked like.  Even though, deep down, I craved so much more. 

As my marriage continued to get worse, and I continued to be unhealthy and deeply unhappy, I knew I had to figure out a way to get out of the relationship.  However, because I suffered such fear, doubt, insecurity, and low self-worth as a woman, I didn’t think I had the means or the tools to walk away.  I was so strong professionally, and I rocked motherhood!  As a woman, I was broken inside.

I am a very high achiever, and I didn’t want to feel like a “failure.”  So, I kept trying and trying to make the marriage work.  I kept saying to myself that “it’ll get better when ‘X’ happens”; or, “It’ll get better when ‘Y’ happens.”  But, try and try as I did (he did too on some level), it never seemed to get better. 

After my attempted suicide, which was the LOWEST moment of my life, I knew I had to get strong.  I had to get help.  I had to change my life.  I had to hit the bottom so LOW before I realized that is was okay to ask for help.  It took that experience to allow me to feel open enough to be vulnerable, to be scared, to admit it to someone, to allow myself to let others in.

Yet, even then, with the support I was receiving and the help I was getting, I was still too scared to walk away.  I was too afraid that I’d end up alone.  I knew there was nothing left between us, but it was the devil I knew versus the devil I didn’t.  Until…I couldn’t ignore the signs any longer.

The signs show up as a whisper.  Then, the whispers get louder.  Then, finally, if that’s not enough, which it turns out it wasn’t for me, the JOLT comes.  Apparently, I needed that JOLT to pivot me in the other direction. 

I’ll write all about the JOLT in my next blog….

 

Quote:  Your level of self-worth shows up everywhere of your life…in romance, your relationships, your appearance, your career, your bank account.  The higher it is, the richer you are in all areas.  – Diane Forster

Having No Self-Worth as a Woman is Debilitating!Read More

Filed Under: Diane's Story Tagged With: I Have Today Meetup

I Have Today 2nd Meetup – Recap

November 5, 2016 //  by Diane Forster

A huge success!  Big changes from last month for one woman!  Another said she got more out of tonight than years of therapy! Another woman wants help to do everything I’m doing. What a rewarding night!

I Have Today 2nd Meetup – RecapRead More

Filed Under: I Have Today Tagged With: empowering women, I have today, I Have Today Meetup, Intentional Living Blog

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