America’s Mindset Coach. Intentional living expert.

How to Divorce-Proof Your Marriage

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I was blessed to have Todd Creager on my show, “I HAVE TODAY with Diane Forster.”  Todd is a Marriage and Sex Therapist who helps couples create loving and passionate long-term relationships and singles find their soulmates.  He is a best-selling author, has made many media appearances and is a professor at USC School of Social Work.  I love his body of work and commitment to happy relationships and marriages.

Todd said the number one problem is not being connected.  If you’re fighting about money, you have a disconnection about money.  If you’re not having sex, you have a disconnection about sex.  And so on.

My own marriage was so toxic, and it almost cost me my life.  Thank goodness it didn’t and I was able to heal from it and move on to be doing and living the life I am living now.  Not all relationships are meant to last.  But, for many couples, you can take some simple steps to resolve conflict and the challenges you may be dealing with in your relationship.   Here are three ways to do it.

divorce proof your marriage blog diane forster

3 Ways to Divorce-Proof Your Marriage

  1. E.D.’s – Emotional Energy Diffusers

I developed this simple, three-step process and write all about it in my book, “I HAVE TODAY:  Find Your Passion, Purpose & Smile…Finally!”

This will help you alleviate the pressures that build up when your spouse is driving you nuts!

The process is to simply BREATHE, THINK, PRAISE.  The details can be found in the book on what that means and how it works, but just know this…you are always one breath away from feeling relief, whatever is going on has nothing to do with you, and the other person is always doing the best from where they are in that moment, and that is ok.

This simple process not only helps with communicating in your relationships with your spouse, but it works for all relationships.  It also works on feelings of stress, anxiety, worry, doubt, and fear.  It’s so powerful!

  1. Stop Having Expectations Based on What YOU Need

If you want to do something nice for your spouse, it needs to be for selfish reasons.  It needs to be because YOU want to do it and that’s it!  If you’re doing something with the hopes to elicit a certain response, you are asking for disappointment.  It’s not reasonable to EXPECT someone to act the way YOU want them to act.  No two people are alike, no matter how much they have in common.  When you have expectations of getting a certain response, you’ve now given to this person under conditions.  Think about it this way…how would it feel if your spouse gave something to you…a back rub, cooked dinner for you, cleaned up the kitchen, bought you flowers, or something like that, and said to you, “OK, now you have to say ‘Thank You’ the way I want you to say ‘Thank You’ and now you have to do something for me.”  How would that feel?  Would you ever want to accept something from your spouse like that?

This goes way, way deeper, like in your communication style.  There’s too much to say about this here, but this is a topic worth digging into more deeply.

  1. Be More Playful and Less Serious

One of the things I hear from my clients repeatedly is that they have forgotten how to have fun and have lost their sense of humor.  How sad!  Is this true for you, and is it true for you in your relationship?  Do you remember the silly fun you used to have in the beginning?  Please, please, please try and remember…this journey of life is supposed to be fun!  Moreover, it’s supposed to be fun with the love of your life, your best friend, your partner in all of this!  Touch each other more often, find ways to laugh more and CONNECT more, and do whatever you can to keep the youthfulness and playfulness alive!

You found each other.  That’s special.  Don’t waste a single day in ego.  Drop it.  Let it go.  Learn to forgive and forget.  Be gentle and kind.  Be passionate.  Be the shoulder to lean on.  Be there…for better or worse…but, do your best to make TODAY and every day better.

Affirmation Statement:

I HAVE TODAY…to fall in love with my Love all over again!

With Love,

Diane

Quote: “A happy marriage requires that we fall in love…over and over again with the same person.” – Anonymous

 

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How to Fall in Love Again with Your Partner

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Last week, the topic was about singles learning how to fall in love again after being hurt or being alone for a long time.  This week, the topic is for you if you are married or in a committed relationship where you feel like you’ve fallen out of love with your partner but would like to reignite that love and passion again.

The beginning stages of a relationship are easy!  All those cute little quirks are endearing…until they’re not!  One day out of the blue, the way he slurps his coffee drives you insane, and so it begins…the slow and steady decline of your love life together into the abyss of decreased romantic energy, lack of effort, and unreasonable expectations of the other person.

There’s only about a million books and articles written on this topic.  It’s a question that comes up in my coaching all the time when working with my clients.  People want to know, “Is it possible to fall back in love with my partner?  And if so, “How do I do it?”

Diane Forster How to fall in love again with your parter

Here are three sure-fire ways to reignite your passion and love life:

  1. Get Physical and Playful

Remember in the beginning when you couldn’t keep your hands off each other?  Wouldn’t it feel so good to feel like that again?  Well, you can!  Go back and remember what YOU were like.  You’d take extra care to look really good, your “love is blind” goggles only allowed you to see things in him/her that you liked, and you appreciated every small gesture.  Remember how excited you would get when you were on your way to see each other?

The key is to bring all those feelings back!  Make the effort to look good for him/her as much as possible.  ONLY focus on the qualities you like about him/her and don’t look for the ones that make you crazy.  Express gratitude and appreciation for every little gesture.  Start touching each other as often as possible.  Be excited when he/she walks through the door…get up and go say hello!  If the dog can jump up and run to the door to greet him/her, why can’t you?  How good would feel for YOU to be greeted like that?  It would feel amazing!!!

  1. Earn Each Other’s Trust Daily

This is huge.  It is my belief that the number one value any relationship must have is honesty.  Even one omission or little white lie hurts the relationship.  You don’t have to share the same opinion about everything.  You just need to be honest about your feelings.  If you communicate in a kind and respectful way, there shouldn’t be anything you couldn’t tell your partner.  Nothing.

If you are trying to rekindle the flame with your partner, you don’t have to go all the way back to the beginning.  You can start now…TODAY.  Begin by telling him/her that you’d very much like to deepen your loving relationship and you want to start doing so by asking this question daily: 

“Is there anything you can to tell me today that would allow us to deepen our trust for each other?”

THAT is a powerful question!  That question will open the lines of communication deeply!  Imagine the breakthroughs and intimacy that can happen by communicating with each other like this!  You will build and fill your trust bank and connection with each other every single day.  You may want to do this during dinner conversation or at bedtime when you can both look into each other’s eyes.  Do it in a way that creates space for intimacy to happen.

  1. Fall In Love Every Single Day

One of the practices I teach is Mantra Meditations.  They’re powerful statements that go to work on your subconscious mind and help “reprogram” old, negative data with powerful, positive beliefs instead.  Most of mine start with, “I Have Today to…”  The one that works best to keep your love alive is, “I Have Today to Fall in Love with (fill in the name of your partner) ALL OVER AGAIN!”  The next step is to state a list of at least ten things you love about that person.  Say them aloud or in your head.  It is SO much easier to stay IN LOVE with someone if you practice saying the list of qualities you love about them on a daily basis.

At the beginning of working to re-ignite your love, it might be hard to remember the things you love about him/her.  But, the more you practice this, the easier it will get, and the longer your list will grow, too!

Like anything else, loving relationships take work.  They need constant care and attention.  But, it’s work worth doing.  You were lucky enough to find each other to begin with.  If it can be salvaged and reignited, isn’t it worth it to try?

Affirmation Statements:

LOVE IT!:  I LOVE BEING IN LOVE AGAIN WITH MY PARTNER!

THANK IT!:  I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR OUR DEEP, RICH, INTIMATE LOVE FOR EACH OTHER!

BRING IT!:  THERE’S NO ONE ELSE ON EARTH I’D RATHER JOURNEY WITH THAN MY PARTNER!

With Love,

Diane

Quote:  One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again.” – Judith Viorst

If you’d like your own Personalized Meditation Mantra, please click HERE to get yours TODAY!

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