Let me pick up where I left off in my last blog post… The signs show up as a whisper. Then, the whispers get louder. Then, finally, if that’s not enough, which it turns out it wasn’t for me, the JOLT comes. Apparently, I needed that JOLT to pivot me in the other direction.
After that night in June when I attempted to take my life, I called a therapist immediately the next day and said “I need help. I am changing my life.” That began months of counseling and working to build up my strength and resources to be able to leave the marriage and go on with my life.
Several months had passed. Life in our home was so unbearable. My ex was becoming more and more distant, and frankly, dismissive and rude to me. Even my friends noticed it. One friend said to me, after he walked out of the house to go run an errand, while she and I were sitting alone together, “What is wrong? Why is he so angry? Why does he talk to you like that?” I burst into tears and said “I don’t know.”
Well, it was only a few weeks later that I discovered why. I found out that he had been having an affair and was in love with someone else. Hence, the JOLT. When I discovered it, I was enraged! I was so angry. His guilt over it combined with his inability to leave me had him taking it out ON me! I was FURIOUS! But…I was so EMPOWERED!!! That moment was the moment that everything shifted for me! I got my power back! I knew in that instant that I was going to be okay…in fact, I was going to be BETTER than okay. I found MYSELF and MY SELF-WORTH in that moment. What a GIFT!!!
I look back on that time now with no emotion attached to it, other than love and forgiveness. I worked diligently to heal my pain, own my part in the demise of the relationship, and move on with my life. I have completely forgiven him, and myself, for mistakes we made in our marriage. I know that, even though there were things that could have been handled differently, that both he and I did the best we could with what we were both capable of at the time.
That JOLT was such a blessing for me. It was the peak emotional experience I needed to pivot in the other direction…from fearful and weak to empowered and strong. It was because of that experience that I am where I am today…SO happy, healthy, in love, in joy, in peace, in expansion, in constant learning mode, so fulfilled living each day of my life with intention and purpose. He and his new wife seem happy in their life together, and let’s face it…if I ever truly loved him, which I did, then I wish him all the love and happiness in the world. I really, really do. Now, that’s healthy…wouldn’t you agree?
Our gifts sometimes come disguised as pain first. Oftentimes, when I’m experiencing a challenging time in my life, I’ll ask myself “I’m not quite sure what the “gift” is yet, but I’m sure I’ll be shown down the road sometime, right?” as I look up to the sky for answers. You know what…I ALWAYS receive the answer. I just trust, and the answer comes. I work with clients all the time that are hanging on to so much anger and rage, and I explain to them that they are the ONLY ones holding on to the negative emotion. They are the only ones keeping their pain alive!
We must know that everything that shows up in our lives is for our highest, greatest good…always! When we know that, REALLY know that, we process through painful experiences much more quickly and heal so much faster.
Sometimes, the experience is slow in coming. Other times, it’s a JOLT. Whichever way it shows up…like I teach in my book I HAVE TODAY and in the I HAVE TODAY SYSTEM…you’ve got to learn to LOVE IT! THANK IT! BRING IT!
Quote: Painful as it may be, a significant emotional event can be the catalyst for choosing a direction that serves us, and those around us, more effectively. Look for the learning. – Louisa May Alcott