How do you get over an affair? With over 50% of marriages ending in divorce, money and cheating are the top two reasons. Whether you’ve been the one who was cheated on or you were the one who had the affair, the pain and stigma of that can have a very negative effect on your current and future relationships.
When it happened to me, I realized the signs were everywhere. Once I knew, I saw them all over. And when I was completely honest with myself, I realized that, deep down, I knew. I knew it, but I couldn’t bring myself to acknowledge it. Looking back, I can now easily see that it came down to one thing…lack of self-trust. I didn’t trust myself enough to be strong and brave enough to deal with the ramifications and results of having that cat come out of the bag. Now, was he hurting me by staying and by lying?…YES! But…I was hurting myself too by keeping my head buried in the sand in some ways. While not consciously, it was still part of what was happening.
Carol Soloway was my guest on “I HAVE TODAY with Diane Forster.” WATCH THE SHOW HERE
She is the author of “Sex Happens.” In the novel, the main character’s husband leaves her for another woman…claiming that the sex “just happened.” What winds up happening to the main character is a string of bad decisions after bad decisions. She, too, had been suffering from no trust in herself. It’s a great book and you can grab a copy here.
The way back from an experience like this is through raising your level of self-worth.
Here are three reasons how to help you to get over an affair:
Forgive the Past…Learn From It and Move On
You know the expression, “By not forgiving, that’s like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” Remember…nothing is ever happening to us…it’s happening FOR us! And, even in those moments, we are attracting that situation into our lives…whether we like to admit it or not. Forgive it in the quickest, best way possible so that you can move on with your life. The last thing you want is to repeat that pattern, so do whatever you need to do to get over it and not take it personally!
Think About Your Children
Your kids see and feel everything, and it does not matter what age they are. Your children can FEEL when you’re thinking, feeling and saying something negative about your ex. Your children are made up of half of each of you. So, when you say something negative about your ex, your children take it personally as a reflection of themselves. Not only that, you teach your children how to behave because you are their role model. If you hang on to anger and resentment, you are going to raise children who have anger and resentment tendencies. Do you want that?
Immerse Yourself in Something You Love!
My guest, Carol Soloway, immersed herself in writing an amazing book that took her over ten years to write from 12am-1am in the morning! I love that! So, how can you take something like this that happens to you and channel that energy into something really good and fulfilling for you? I chose self-discovery, personal development, and spiritual awakening. It manifested into what I’m doing today, and I could not be happier about that!!!
I bless every occurrence that happened back then because it made me who I am today. What about you? Are you living with anger and resentment over an affair (or know someone who is), or have you turned that experience into a powerful, positive opportunity to deepen your level of self-trust and move on in forgiveness, gratitude, and appreciation for the lessons you learned along the way? It’s worth thinking about.
I HAVE TODAY…to love and trust myself completely!
Quote: “Life is about trusting your feelings and taking chances, losing and finding happiness, appreciating the memories, learning from the past, and realizing people change.” – Atul Purohit
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