I was blessed to have Todd Creager on my show, “I HAVE TODAY with Diane Forster.” Todd is a Marriage and Sex Therapist who helps couples create loving and passionate long-term relationships and singles find their soulmates. He is a best-selling author, has made many media appearances and is a professor at USC School of Social Work. I love his body of work and commitment to happy relationships and marriages.
Todd said the number one problem is not being connected. If you’re fighting about money, you have a disconnection about money. If you’re not having sex, you have a disconnection about sex. And so on.
My own marriage was so toxic, and it almost cost me my life. Thank goodness it didn’t and I was able to heal from it and move on to be doing and living the life I am living now. Not all relationships are meant to last. But, for many couples, you can take some simple steps to resolve conflict and the challenges you may be dealing with in your relationship. Here are three ways to do it.
3 Ways to Divorce-Proof Your Marriage
E.D.’s – Emotional Energy Diffusers
I developed this simple, three-step process and write all about it in my book, “I HAVE TODAY: Find Your Passion, Purpose & Smile…Finally!”
This will help you alleviate the pressures that build up when your spouse is driving you nuts!
The process is to simply BREATHE, THINK, PRAISE. The details can be found in the book on what that means and how it works, but just know this…you are always one breath away from feeling relief, whatever is going on has nothing to do with you, and the other person is always doing the best from where they are in that moment, and that is ok.
This simple process not only helps with communicating in your relationships with your spouse, but it works for all relationships. It also works on feelings of stress, anxiety, worry, doubt, and fear. It’s so powerful!
Stop Having Expectations Based on What YOU Need
If you want to do something nice for your spouse, it needs to be for selfish reasons. It needs to be because YOU want to do it and that’s it! If you’re doing something with the hopes to elicit a certain response, you are asking for disappointment. It’s not reasonable to EXPECT someone to act the way YOU want them to act. No two people are alike, no matter how much they have in common. When you have expectations of getting a certain response, you’ve now given to this person under conditions. Think about it this way…how would it feel if your spouse gave something to you…a back rub, cooked dinner for you, cleaned up the kitchen, bought you flowers, or something like that, and said to you, “OK, now you have to say ‘Thank You’ the way I want you to say ‘Thank You’ and now you have to do something for me.” How would that feel? Would you ever want to accept something from your spouse like that?
This goes way, way deeper, like in your communication style. There’s too much to say about this here, but this is a topic worth digging into more deeply.
Be More Playful and Less Serious
One of the things I hear from my clients repeatedly is that they have forgotten how to have fun and have lost their sense of humor. How sad! Is this true for you, and is it true for you in your relationship? Do you remember the silly fun you used to have in the beginning? Please, please, please try and remember…this journey of life is supposed to be fun! Moreover, it’s supposed to be fun with the love of your life, your best friend, your partner in all of this! Touch each other more often, find ways to laugh more and CONNECT more, and do whatever you can to keep the youthfulness and playfulness alive!
You found each other. That’s special. Don’t waste a single day in ego. Drop it. Let it go. Learn to forgive and forget. Be gentle and kind. Be passionate. Be the shoulder to lean on. Be there…for better or worse…but, do your best to make TODAY and every day better.
I HAVE TODAY…to fall in love with my Love all over again!
Quote: “A happy marriage requires that we fall in love…over and over again with the same person.” – Anonymous