It was Saturday, June 25, 2011. It started out as a typical weekend afternoon for us. Errands, sports, carpooling, going over to some friends’ house for a bar-b-que. Our lives were completely centered around the kids and their lives and activities. We barely even looked at each other anymore. Life was on autopilot. We looked like the perfect happy family to the outside world. Inside, I was imploding. My soul and spirit were chipping away more and more each day.
After the fighting started in the car on the way home, then continued when we entered the house, I went into my bathroom and locked the door…
I couldn’t take it anymore. I had not received love and support from my ex in years! I felt so alone and isolated. It was so EMOTIONALLY DEBILITATING. I said to myself, “I can’t wake up another day feeling THIS ALONE!”
The pain was so palpable. I had two full bottles of prescription pills in my hand. Apparently, God had other plans for me. I talk about it here in the video, but I also write all about what happened that night in the bathroom in my book, and I tell the story in the I Have Today System.
So many people hear my story and are so shocked that it’s ME telling it! They can’t believe someone as strong and smart and so “together” could have gotten to that point. Trust me, some days it’s hard for even me to believe. What I’ve discovered is this… no one is immune to getting to a point where they feel they have no way out. We are paralyzed by FEAR! We worry what others will think or say about us. We worry that we’ll appear “weak” if we actually let the cat out of the bag and shout “I’m So Unhappy! I want to FEEL GOOD, and FEEL LOVED, and be EXCITED by my life!” We put on brave faces and smile at everyone, we give the generic answer that we’re “fine” or “great” when people ask how we’re doing…without getting into any real depth of emotional conversation. That’s an incredibly lonely place to be. So, it doesn’t matter who you are, how you were raised, what your situation is, ANYONE can get to the point where I was on that day.
I thank God constantly for his intervention in the bathroom that night, and I am following his instructions down to the letter! That moment was the wake-up call I so desperately needed to take ACTION to CHANGE MY LIFE! That moment was a cherished GIFT for me. Because of that night, I went on a journey to discover ME, and what a rewarding trip it was! I now help so many others who feel as isolated and alone as I did, and I help empower them. I shine the light on their strengths, their gifts and their light. I am living my life on PURPOSE, and it feels so GOOD!
When I look back at that time of my life, I realize that I NEEDED to experience that. How else could I share my SUCCESS Story if I didn’t experience the deepest, darkest despair first? I bless that moment.
Oh, and I NEVER wake up feeling alone…EVER! Another cherished GIFT.
Quote: At the innermost core of all loneliness is a deep and powerful yearning for union with one’s lost self. – Brendan Behan