I would describe what lead me to where I am today as a reinvention. I believe I re-invented myself. The way I had been living was hardly “living.” I would get up each day unenthusiastically. I woke up tired and worn out, even before I got out of bed. My relationship with my then husband was non-existent. We barely looked at each other, let alone touched each other. My whole life seemed to be wrapped up in my kids, and I was okay with that. At least then I could pretend that I didn’t matter, because I allowed myself to believe that they were my entire world.
I’d go to work every day, but I had no passion for what I was doing anymore. I felt tied to the golden handcuffs of a nice paycheck and benefits. I did not see a way out of my life. I felt trapped. The worst part was I couldn’t tell anyone because to the outside world, it looked like I had it ALL! In many ways, I did.
I had the nice house, nice cars, two kids, two dogs, great job, a husband who provided a nice life for us. But, my life had no PASSION! I had no passion. I lived for the weekends, but even then, I would go to work on Monday feeling unfulfilled from another weekend of running around taking care of the needs of everyone else and being neglected emotionally from my spouse. I did not feel beautiful. I did not feel seen, heard, acknowledged or appreciated by him. Not as a woman.
One night, I couldn’t take it anymore. After a terrible fight, I attempted to take my life. That moment in the bathroom was my breaking point. Thankfully, those pills were knocked out of my hand and the voice I heard screamed at me to go get help so I could help others. When you get an order like that, you pay attention. I bless that moment all the time, because it was in that moment I decided “I NEED HELP. I AM CHANGING MY LIFE!”
I reached out to a therapist and started to work on ME. After several months and some other bad experiences in the marriage, I was finally free of the emotional ties I had with my spouse. That’s when it happened. My re-invention. I delved so deeply into me and asked myself some very tough questions, like “what was my part in the demise of this relationship?” “It was his betrayal, but it was my enabling that got me to this point. So, why would I allow myself to be treated this way? Why didn’t I love myself enough?” Then, the journey of self-discovery began. What I learned is that I did not love myself, not truly. I didn’t value myself. I didn’t think I was worthy of the things I wanted in my heart, and so I stopped asking for them or expecting them. Then, during my awakening, I realized that could not be further from the truth. I discovered just how valuable I am and how worthy I am of every single thing that my heart desires. I learned that I am limited by nothing…nothing but my limiting beliefs…so, I no longer have those.
I learned so many tips, tools, techniques, strategies and ways to empower myself in any given moment. I learned how to squelch those negative demons that used to talk to me like I was dirt! I learned how to only listen to the voice of love and acceptance. I learned that I’m perfectly imperfect, and that’s perfectly okay with me. I learned that I must shine bright and live boldly so that I can be a guiding light for others whose light is dim and need help to see the way. I learned that I cannot live small because I’m meant to live as big as possible. We are all supposed to live that way! I learned that my journey up until that point was FILLED with lessons of clarity and desires.
I could not be where I am now had I not experienced the darkness. I learned the power of forgiveness, and that forgiveness starts with SELF first! I learned the art of selfishness and that it’s a really good thing! I learned that I’m never going to stop learning. But, the biggest lesson I learned is that I am the one responsible for me, for loving me, accepting me, nurturing me, forgiving me, completing me. I am complete, therefore, everyone else who is in my life either enhances my life, or they fall out of my life. The boundaries of respect I have for myself now keeps only loving and supportive people in my life! What a blessing that is! There is no shame, no guilt, no blame ever! There’s only love and acceptance for everyone exactly as they are, because everyone is always doing the best they can from where they are, and that’s ok. I take none of it personally. I decide how I feel. I decide how I live. I decide what I want. I am the one who is in control of my life.
I also learned that I was not alone in my darkness. Many women suffer the same loneliness, unacceptance and lack of self-worth that I did. They don’t even know what they want! They need help figuring it out! We can’t have what we want if we don’t know what it is, and if we’re living a passionless life, we can’t “find” what it is…It’s buried too deep! We have to dig it out! We have to take back our control of ourselves!
I took back my control. I control my life. If you’re living with any of the experiences that I’ve shared here, you need to gain back control of your life too! It starts with living your life INTENTIONALLY. By living intentionally, in the present moment, being focused on how you want to feel and what you want, you are capable of having it all and you should! I have it all! I literally have everything I want, and yet, I still have desires for more. But, I’m ok knowing that it’s good to want more! That doesn’t mean I’m not happy now. I’m completely happy now, and so, so grateful. When you live in gratitude, intentionally, in the present moment, you are living your life on purpose! And you are unstoppable. The faucet of abundance will never stop dripping! And it’s so much easier than you think. It starts with your mindset, your emotions and your language. That’s where I work with my clients first. You get those three areas in check, you are unstoppable!